COPY-PASTED from my friendster blog

An end of so big a loss
(January 29, 2008 7:44 pm)


The sky, lacking the usual colors of white-and-blue and the kind of peacefulness that brings hope, presented itself as gloomy and black as the darkest crow that ever flew. The early mornings that were previously characterized as a beacon that brings an early promise of a bright day ahead turned into nothing but a source of despair. Transparent through the old, rugged glass window, people from all roads walk and run and dread with alarm and pointless self-assurance that days would turn into a different light. In those days when contentment and greed present themselves as neither equal nor obvious, no one could find satisfaction in any form there is in life.

It seems that these days are actually happening nowadays, not maybe for some but at least for me. A ride that felt like more than a roller-coaster that blows my brains out, it’s painfully excruciating just to think that all isn’t well for me. It leaves a terrible space in one’s self like a bullet lodged in the human brain. Waiting, waiting and still waiting. Everything seems falling into pieces. These are the harsh realities of life.

My personal battle joins the much bigger war for ambition, stability and fortune. Combine all these including family matters would make an unimaginable mix of nausea and pseudo-depression that could lead to an end of so big a loss that the clash would never be reclaimed won or lost but a state in-between. I could only think of one thing that holds me back to my senses and that is the rope that is fortunately thick enough to never let me fall – the idea and faith that God is real to keep me from all else that pulls me down into what I call hell. This is like a normal urge for breathing, for without it I would have forgotten to breathe and die of an unexplained death. These are the whispered ranting of a wounded and tired fighter of this everyday battle called life. The battle for existence and all.